


just how important you are;

by prouveyrac



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, and frustrated and sad, and he doesn't know how to handle it, logan feels insecure and irrelevant, roman wants the best for logan, this has a happy ending i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 15:03:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13977597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prouveyrac/pseuds/prouveyrac
Summary: Logan was meant to sift through emotions and subjectivity and find that most logical route to take that would yield the realistically best results. It was his job. It didn’t -shouldn’t- matter if he was accepted or not. Being Logic was not about being accepted or liked; it was about making the correct decisions in life.Logan couldn’t do sadness. He didn’t know how to handle it.(based slightly off prompt: Comforting kisses- B walks into find A sitting on the bed, shoulders shaking, cheeks wet. A looks up, face looking stricken for a moment. B is shocked, and quietly says A’s name. At this, A breaks, face crumpling, and only barely has time to reach both hands out for B before B is there, kneeling at A’s feet. B takes A’s hands first, kissing their knuckles and palms. Then B reaches up to hold A’s face, pressing soft kisses around their cheeks, their lips, murmuring “it’s okay” and “you’re alright” and “I’m here” in between)





	just how important you are;

**Author's Note:**

> this was another one of those fics where i felt like if i didn't write it i would explode
> 
> also catch me casually posting fics at almost midnight omfg

Logan wasn’t sad. Logan didn’t get sad. Sadness was something that Patton felt; something that Virgil fueled with his own anxious thoughts. It wasn’t something that affected Logan. It never had been. He was always able to calmly go about his days and ignore arbitrary emotions that were bound to only last for a short period of time. He was always able to think through a situation with his head correct on his shoulders instead of letting his judgement be clouded and emotionally-charged. Besides, he strived for Thomas’ well-being; to even consider letting something so distasteful as _ sadness _ enter his system would only hinder Thomas further. Logan was Logic; he couldn’t let his reasonable voice guide Thomas in a wrong direction.

However, he could not ignore the feeling of something jabbing him through where his heart was. He could not pretend like his gut was not twisting with every step he took in his room. As he sunk down onto his bed and pulled his knees to his chest, he also could not act like he had no idea what was causing these sensations.

For Logan, after being amongst the other sides for so long, grew accustomed to rarely being listened to. Out of the four of them, he was the one who looked past eccentricities and saw the world for how it truly was. Instead of being touchy-feely, he was bluntly honest and would say what he had to to get his point across. He didn’t believe in sugar coating his words to Thomas. The world refused to do so to the multiple problems they ran into, so why should Logan? Naturally, the others would disagree with his methods. Patton was the one to go headfirst into something with his best foot forward, typically carrying too much hope in people. Virgil would have rather taken the path where every step of the way was known, and if there was no path like that, he didn’t go. And Roman, even though Logan grew more understanding as their relationship progressed, saw that his prince ran too quickly into situations with dreams in his head and heartbreak on the horizon.

Logan was meant to sift through emotions and subjectivity and find that most logical route to take that would yield the realistically best results. It was his job. It didn’t -shouldn’t- matter if he was accepted or not. Being Logic was not about being accepted or liked; it was about making the correct decisions in life.

Now, though, Logan felt like he had finally reached his limit, and he hated it. For Logan wasn’t sad. He didn’t  _ do _ sadness. He  _ couldn’t _ do sadness. Yet, he couldn’t ignore the tightness of his throat and the way he had to blink constantly to deter the burning behind his eyes. Each time he thought of his thoughts and suggestions being brushed aside felt more and more like someone was reaching into his chest and twisting his heart sharply.

Logan found that the worst, however, was not that he wasn’t listened to. While painful, he expected it at this point. The other sides meant nothing malicious. Them not listening was just a result of who they were. Patton did not reject his ideas for the sake of Thomas’ emotional state to spite Logan, just as Virgil did not criticize Logan’s thoughts for the sake of protection out of cruelty. Roman and him worked more at understanding each other and their ideas, but there were still times when the pair disagreed on the best course of action to take. 

No, what hurt Logan the most, after being rejected, after being silenced, was that Logan felt useless, felt irrelevant. It was an illogical thought; to live a life without any logical thinking was to live a short one. But it was one illogical thought that Logan could not detach from his mind. Because of course Logic was needed objectively, but subjectively? He wasn’t so sure anymore. Patton, after now having confessed his own feelings, was helping in leading Thomas to a better state of emotional stability. Virgil, at times, might as well have been Thomas’ voice of reason because, despite his worries and fears, his one goal was to lead Thomas to safety. Roman took care of Thomas’ hopes and dreams, and it was he who pushed Thomas towards his goals.

Logan didn’t handle emotions well. He believed that he lead Thomas to results through any means necessary, disregarding his apprehensions. He took no part in dreams because he didn’t understand them, never could understand them.

Subjectively, everything was running perfectly fine without Logan’s suggestions.

_ Objectively _ , everything was running perfectly fine without Logan’s suggestions.

_ Objectively, they do not need you, and it would be beneficiary to stop attempting to have a place among them. _

Logan, finally, reached his breaking point.

He was horrified at the tears that suddenly broke out of his eyes and streamed down his cheeks. His breathing caught in his throat as he, panicked, practically threw his glasses off and rubbed furiously at his eyes.

Logan couldn’t do sadness. He didn’t know how to handle it.

His glasses landed somewhere on his floor with a soft clatter.

He felt the tears stream, burn, down his cheeks as a sob broke through his lips. One hand clamped over his mouth in a useless attempt to dull the noise as his other arm hugged his knees tightly to his chest.

_ Stop it,  _ his mind snapped.  _ You are being illogical. Accept the role you have -and the role that you do not- and move on. Your relevance does not matter. It is useless to concern yourself over whether or not you are liked. Your presence holds them back, holds Roman back- _

“S-Stop,” Logan gasped out. He suddenly felt as if he couldn’t breathe, as if there was a cold, hard grip wrapping itself around his throat and  _ he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t speak, he couldn’t- _

He practically ripped his tie off and threw it with a strangled cry. He watched it flutter pathetically to the ground with blurred vision, wrinkling into a dark blue clump on his floor.

“Logan?” An uneasy voice came from the other side of Logan’s door.

Logan’s hand didn’t move fast enough to his mouth to cover the sob that escaped. The only thing separating Logan - _ pathetic _ Logan,  _ weak  _ Logan, _ irrelevant _ Logan- from Roman -Roman who deserved  _ better _ , who deserved  _ more _ \- was his bedroom door and the thought of Roman so easily seeing how vulnerable he was made new tears spring from his eyes and run tracks down his face.

“Logan, what’s going on? Are you okay?” Roman’s voice was laced with worry and Logan pressed his hands to his eyes.

“I’m fine,” he managed out, his voice wavering and cracking with each word.

“Logan, I’m coming in,” Roman announced.

Logan whipped his head up to tell Roman to stop, to go away, to leave him alone before he realized that Logan was not who he wanted to be with, but Roman had already swung open his door and barged in.

Roman’s jaw dropped at seeing Logan and Logan felt as if everything had come to a standstill. Roman let the door swing shut behind him and the banging sound jolted Logan even more.

“Logan,” Roman said softly and took a step forward.

Logan sharply turned his head away and a series of sobs, unable to be masked even when he clamped his hand over his mouth, escaped, wracked with pain and  _ sadness _ and everything that Logan couldn’t hold back any longer.

“Hey, hey, darling,” Roman said, rushed, as he scrambled over to Logan. He dropped in front of Logan, onto his knees, and gently took Logan’s legs to unravel him from the ball he tugged himself into. With little resistance, Logan complied. “Lo, what’s the matter?”

Logan shook his head vigorously. His words and his breath kept getting caught in his throat and all that he could manage through the tears were choked sobs and shuddering, barely there breaths.

“Logan, can you look at me? Come on, dear, what’s wrong?” Logan just shook his head again and clenched his eyes shut. He couldn’t bear to bring himself to look at Roman. Roman had never seen Logan like this, had never seen him showing any type of emotions as severe as this. He didn’t want to open his eyes to only see the disappointed look on Roman’s face.

Logan felt Roman gently touch his hands, both of which were covering his face. He let Roman take them away and into his own hands. Logan tucked his chin down, his face turned towards his lap and not the prince in front of him, who was currently rubbing gentle circled into his hands.

“Logan, please, talk to me, sweetheart,” Roman pleaded. “You know I’m here for you. Let me help you through what’s doing this to you. Do you need the others? We’re  _ all  _ here for you. We can help you. We’re a family.”

“Are we?” Logan choked out, finally snapping his eyes open. He looked to Roman and rubbed at his eyes again as they blurred with a new batch of tears.

Roman’s face shifted from concerned to something worse; confusion with something lying underneath it, something much more severe than concern. “Logan,” he said softly, squeezing Logan’s hands. “Of course we are.”

Logan shook his head. “No, we’re not,  _ we’re not _ ,” he gasped out. “You three are, but I- but-” He broke off again and yanked his hands away from his boyfriend.

“Logan,” Roman said gently and stood until they were eye level. “I… we’re going to talk about that, okay? We’re gonna talk, but I need you to breathe for me, Logan.”

Logan still felt as if he was being choked, as if something was binding itself tightly around his neck. The thought of breathing only made the act harder and his hands scrambled for the collar of his shirt, fumbling through buttons in hopes of loosening its grip. “Roman, I  _ can’t _ , I-”

“Yes, you can, Logan,” Roman said. “I know you can. Can I sit with you?”

Logan nodded, rushed, as Roman sat down next to him. “Remember those breathing exercises Virgil taught us,” he said and placed out his hand. “Can you do them with me?”

Logan gripped Roman’s hand and, after a few failed first attempts, finally fell into the rhythmic pattern of four-seven-eight.

Eventually, Logan’s breathing finally regulated himself and his tears, while still brimming, ceased their descent. He sagged into Roman, exhausted with a headache, his face flushing with shame.

Logan couldn’t remember the last time he cried. 

“I apologize for that,” Logan mumbled, pulling his hand away from Roman’s and setting them in his lap.

“I’m stopping you right there,” Roman said softly. He carefully, slowly, wrapped an arm around Logan and pulled him close. Logan rested his head in the crook of Roman’s neck and sighed. “What’s going on, Logan? What do you mean, ‘are we’ a family?”

Logan took a deep breath. His throat wanted to tighten again but Logan felt otherwise; he would never be able to explain to Roman his placement among the four of them if he kept letting emotions corrupt him.

“You, Patton, and Virgil are a family,” Logan finally said. His voice was rough and quiet. “I am not a member.”

Logan could feel Roman’s stare and it took everything for him not to pull back into himself. “Logan, how can you say that? Of course we’re a family. We all care about you,  _ I  _ care about you.”

Logan shook his head. “I do not think I’m relevant here, Roman,” he said with a bitter laugh. “Don’t you think that my contributions are useless? I am rarely listened to because everyone else has finally surpassed me. I work to show Thomas the world through a realistic lens, but even that is proving to be fruitless. The necessary sides are you, Patton, and Virgil. You all don’t hold Thomas, and each other, back. I…” He sighed with a shake of his head and shut his eyes. “I fear that I am not good enough for you, Roman, and that I never have been. You might do better with one of the others.”

When Roman pulled slightly away from Logan, Logan braced himself for Roman to leave him. For Roman to alert the others that Logan had finally reached peak self-awareness, and that he will not be needed any longer. Instead, though, Logan felt Roman grip his chin and tilt his head towards him. Logan opened his eyes and was shocked to see Roman staring back with red-rimmed eyes.

“Logan,” Roman said, his voice quiet but stern. “Don’t… don’t you ever think that you are not needed, that you are not wanted. You are a pivotal, important member, and I cannot even begin to imagine what would happen to us if you weren’t there for us. I mean, you saw what happened when it was just us three in Patton’s room, and that was for only twenty minutes.” Roman let out a small laugh at that and even Logan couldn’t let out a smile. “But Logan, darling, just as well… you’re important to me. The fact that you don’t think you’re good enough for me…” Roman trailed off and took a deep, shuddering breath. “Logan, you are  _ everything  _ to me. I’m here because I want to be.”

Logan swallowed thickly. “Roman… I… but-” He cut himself off, finding himself speechless.

“And about us not listening,” Roman sighed with a shake of his head and dropped his hands into his lap. “I… I’m so sorry, Logan. We all appreciate you so much. We just all have… conflicting ideas and it seems that we’re all quite stubborn about being right. But if we -if  _ I _ \- ever made it seem like we didn’t want you there, that is completely not true. I know I can be a bit… extra with my ideas and that I can get blinded by hopes and expectations, but I love hearing what you have to say and I’m sorry-”

“Roman,” Logan said, his turn to cut Roman off. He took Roman’s hands and intertwined their fingers. “I… I was never mad at you, at any of you. I was more-so upset with myself. I believed that perhaps my ideas often went unheard because they were not reasonable, that they would only be a danger to Thomas. It was never you. But even then… Roman, I know that you’re trying. You…  _ we _ have come quite far, and we are still working to understand each other, but I know that you’re trying. I… in my rather panicked mindset, I filtered out all evidence, but I truly know that you are listening, and that we are trying. I just got a bit dejected.”

“Well, I’m going to try harder,” Roman said. “I can’t sit here and know that you were this upset, that you were brought to tears, because you didn’t feel important. I will remind you every day of just how important you are until you believe it because, oh _ Logan _ , you mean so much to me.”

Logan smiled at Roman and felt a blush dust his cheeks. “I appreciate that, Roman, quite a lot,” he said softly. “But I do apologize for my rather uncharacteristic display of emotions.”

Roman shook his head with a noise of dissent. “I’m having you know that I will accept no apologies,” he said. “Everything you feel is valid because, believe it or not Logan, but you are allowed to feel things. I’d rather you come to me every day with a new emotional crisis than sit in here alone and bottle everything up until it breaks.”

Logan nodded and squeezed Logan’s hands. “Thank you, Roman,” he said, his voice barely over a whisper. “I don’t think I can properly say how much that means to me.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Roman said. “It’s what I do.” He then took his hands from Logan’s and gently cupped his jaw. “May I?” At Logan’s consent, Roman placed a soft kiss to Logan’s lips, holding him so gently that it was as if Logan was what Roman treasured most in his life.

When the couple pulled away, Roman rested his forehead on Logan’s. “You’ve had a long day,” he noted. “How about we get some rest?”

Logan nodded. “I would be okay with that.”

Roman smiled and gave Logan one more quick peck before standing. Logan watched as Roman picked up the discarded tie and his glasses from the floor. He folded the tie neatly and put it in its correct place in Logan’s dresser. He then folded up Logan’s glasses and put them on the bedside table. “You won’t be needing those, since we’re going to nap and not do research or read thousand page long novels,” he said, giving Logan a smirk.

Logan gave a sheepish smile. “I guess that’s alright.”

“Well, come on, get changed,” Roman said and spun himself into his white t-shirt and red pajama pants. “As your boyfriend who cares about you, I cannot let you sleep in a polo-shirt and those pants.”

“Reasonable enough,” Logan said and snapped himself into black pajama pants and a red hoodie that certainly was not his.

“Adorable,” Roman said and Logan didn’t miss the blush dusting his cheeks.

“It’s for optimal comfort,” Logan said, not denying that it was, also, cute.

“I bet it is,” Roman beamed before helping Logan take down his bed. Climbing in, he held his hand out for Logan. “Now come on, you need rest.”

Logan took Roman’s hand and let himself be tugged and tucked into the other’s chest. Roman held Logan close to his side, his arm tucked protectively around Logan’s waist. Logan rested his head comfortably on Roman’s chest, calmed by his warmth.

“Thank you, Roman,” Logan said softly, letting his eyes flutter shut.

“I told you, it’s what I do,” Roman said. “I will do everything I can for you to know that you are appreciated and loved.” He pressed a kiss to the top of Logan’s head.

_ Loved _ . The word made his stomach flutter.

Yes, love. Love, what pushed Roman to check on Logan and pushed Logan to feel comfortable enough to speak. Love, what made the couple realize that every day that they understood each other more and opened up to the other was one day farther in their journey together. That’s what he believed this was:  _ love _ . 

It was the most logical answer.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!!! as always, kudos and feedback is appreciated!!! <3 :D
> 
> ethospathoslogan.tumblr.com
> 
> (main: actuallygansey.tumblr.com)


End file.
